Nazirli Kamran

The Man Who Could Not Laughn’t.

Translated and editted by the Author

Teacher Rustam’s silence had become exhausting for his family at home. He never laughed. His wife, Melekhanum[1], would say, “That”s just the way he was made”. At one point, the man’s mother-in-law had reproached her daughter

“Just look at who you went and married. A man incapable of laughing… He will make you to become older…”

But  Melekhanum never became older, she was flourishing day by day.

For exactly thirty years Melekhanum had been sharing a pillow with a man who could not laugh. At first, his personality had appealed to her. She thought that a person should be tightlipped and stern, so that others would fear him.

There was not a good conditon in Rustam’s house. The problem was in his children. For instance, he said his elder son : “Don’t walk much, prepare your lessons!’’.  But his words entered the left ear of his son and then went out through the right ear. He said to his daughter: “Don’t wear the short blouse’’. And his daughter also laughed and didn’t pay attention to his remarks. Then she entered her room, locked the door and began to speak to her girl friend by phone, like that:

“Hi, Ayka, is that you? Yesss... Azz[2], you see, I am getting mad in this house... Let’s go out and walk a little bit. My pa again spoiled my soul. He has come as if from the last century, telling me, don’t wear that, don’t wear this... don’t be late, don’t go there, inform about yourself where you go...’’

Rustam really came from the last century and his mother gave him to this light world directly in the middle of the last century. And he came and walked too much through years, he’d read many books, he’d seen many people, and many those just looking like a man, and... many girls too... Among these girls he’d chosen the only one-Melekhanum and got married to her. But in reality he first fall in love with her because of her name, Melekhanum, it sounded well.

Those days it seemed to him that all the girls by name Melekhanum were really meleks[3]- as beautiful and passionable as angels. They all love teachers, they all are cultural... etc... But Melekhanum, his wife never satisfied, she never stopped talking and wishing more... These were the half of the pains. The other half of the pains were as follows:

“What you’ve found, teacher… poor profession, change your job, go to business, make money! Boy, learn to live at last, you see market economy is going on everywhere, why you don’t make money? Tell me, until what time we’d look at the others’ wearing? Enough, stop to teach the people’s children, nobody would put for you a monument… Nobody would care you,” said Melekhanum and his daughter.

He listened to them at least hundred times and each time kept silent. His family had the right to live a good life. But his salary was barely enough for them to get by on from month to month. At times like that, he would fell lonely. Thankfully, there was school, and so in from morning until evening, he would forget about everything.

Parents and children loved Rustam teacher. And each time when September came the parents wanted to give their children to his classes, because he was an honest teacher, that’s all!

They had recently appointed a new principal to the school. It seemed to him that the principal was a kindred spirit.

One morning, he had arrived at school early, when another teacher told him that the principal wanted to see him.

The principal said to him.

“Teacher Rustam, I’ve heard really good things about you… They say that you are a progressive laborer of education.”

“Then it must be so.”

“They also say that you’re a good father… You have two children.”

“Yes.”

‘’You’re fifty-five years old.”

“Yes.”

“You teach the first to the fifth grades, and you’re a good teacher.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dedicated.”

“I take pride in being so.”

“You’re not impudent.”

“Of course not.”

“You’re not a flatter, or a liar.”

“That’s true, too.”

“You don’t take money from the kids, you don’t take bribes.”

“Of course not.”

‘’You’re never involved in any kind of wheeling and dealing.’

“Indeed.”

“You’re true to yourself and to others.”

“Yes…”

 He was tickled pink. He thought for sure they were going to present him with an award. But the Principal grew quiet. After taking two sips from the glass of lemonade in front of him, he said:

“But as you know… these days, we need to promote modern education… Modern education… We need to aspire to Western standards.’’

“Of course,” Rustam agreed.

“And so… what we need… is a faculty of teachers who know these standards and are capable of teaching the market economy to children and their parents.”

“Of course…’’

‘’Look there, you see? You, too, have arrived at the same conclusion as Shafiqa teacher and I… She was using the old methods as well. But I told her, just like I am telling you… Rustam, you should retire… We need young teachers…’’

‘’……………………………….’’

‘’Young teachers, I say. Do you hear me?’’

‘’………………………………’’

‘’Education at this school is behind the times… Because it should be private! We need to fit in with the market economy, right? Do you hear me?’’

‘’No…. I disagree…’’

‘’What do you mean? What century do you come from?’’

‘’The last century…’’

‘’See, you”ve said it yourself… What we need now are teachers of the new century. That’s liberalism, that’s freedom… Don”t take offense, Rustam, but I am letting you go.’’

“…………………………’’

“It’s rough time for the school… March is coming up, Valentine’s Day, Novruz, the Roze Festival, the Pomegranate Festival, subbotnik[4], Youth Day, New Year’s… There are so many festivals to celebrate!  …People who know the market should work with the children and their parents… We’re running out of time… So thank you… You are welcome!’’

Rustam was so stunned that if a pot of boiling water had been poured over his head at that moment, he wouldn’t have felt the burn… But the principal that he had been so hopeful about had burnt him, and he had burnt him so badly, that by the time he arrived at home, Rustam’s ashes still hadn’t cooled down. His wife asked him:

‘’What’s wrong? Your ships sink?[5]’’

“Yes, woman, they did!”

“And just how many ships did you have?’’

“One…’’

“Why didn’t you say something before? We could’ve sold it and made a lot of money. ”

“Because the ship was me…”

“Oh boy,.. You starting to get all philosophical on me again?”

“No, woman, no… I should’ve sold that ship to someone else.’’

“Did you really have a ship, or are you just pulling my leg?”

“I haven’t the strength to pull anything, not even your leg… What I’m saying is that I should’ve sold that ship, I mean, myself, I should’ve sold myself.”

Melekhanum hadn’t understood a thing. For the first time, she looked long and hard at her husband, full of curiosity and awe. If it had been possible, her blood would have frozen in her veins at that moment… It seemed to her a rude awakening.

“Rustam, do tell me now, swear on your grandpa’s grave – are the Armenians coming?’’

“Yes… coming!” And for the first time in thirty years Rustam burst out in laughter. He laughed so hard, he rolled on the ground, hugging his stomach.

Melekhanum was so excited, she didn’t know what to do. That’s when she saw the tears streaming down her husband’s cheeks.